Arms

Well now! It has been a while. I think the only way I can do this is in a list. Because I am a mindless automaton and I think in terms of lists now. O art school aspirations, where have you gone? 1. Work is insane. If I didn't love my boss-- as a human and friend-- and my coworkers, I would have to leave. (also, if I didn't need the money). 2. House infested with rats. Clever little devils. Now they lick the trips clean and don't get caught. FML. 3. Trip to Europe is either not going to happen or will be incredibly stressful, expensive, and last minute. 4. I am now the chief operator of this house. And the landlord sucks. And I really, really wish I had read the lease before I signed it. 5. I really don't know how to comfort single friends. 6. I have an extra ticket to Nabucco and no one to take. 7. Trisha Yearwood has the most excellent power ballads of all time. 8. The thing about siblings moving away is that now I am on the hook for all the family holidays. Then again... what's new? So many more things to say. But let's just call in a night. Oh, Lassiter is engaged-- so happy for her. I'd like to say I'll send a gift, but then again, considering the last few couples I have sent wedding gifts to, I somehow don't see that happening.

Why I Now Find "Dilbert" Amusing.

Tuesday Trepidation

Ah, yes. Off to see Ye Olde Aunte tonight; going to make dinner for her and Mom and at the condo. It will be nice-- except that she is probably going to be mad at me, and no matter how hard I try, I will never be good enough, and it will always bother me a little bit, somewhere.


Here is what I want out of life, in a concise list:

Unlimited gin, tonic, beer, coffee, limes, and mint-chocolate cookies (all favorites);

The right to hire and fire within my organization;

the ability to say 'no' to things I don't want to do, instead of feeling bad and saying 'maybe', which gets SO awkward when people follow up;

My parents to have a self-satisfying relationship with one another based on mutual respect, which would eliminate the need for my sister and myself to supply all of the emotional fulfillment to both of them that they don't get from each other, not to mention the menial aspects, like taking them to the airport, ensuring they get called on their birthdays, washing cars, de-junking books, and going to the gulch;

A day off;

the a/c to be fixed;

to not have to say goodbye to Wm anymore;

to move across the country. Would I miss my family? Yes, but I think I could muddle through, somehow;

My family to leave me the hell alone, just sometimes-- is it so much to ask?--and recognize that if they want to be in my life, there has to be GIVE, not just take;

Funfact: Although I love the portmanteau word "frenemy",I think "Friend" of itself is even better: combination of "fiend" and "friend". I'm so clever!!!! No. I'm not. I'm 8/9ths retarded.

Oh, and also, Rest in Peace Dr. Warren Carroll, Mr. Rick Rickard, and Amy Winehouse (in no particular order).

The night you came into my life

We could walk without a plan, Honey understand I wont rest in stone all alone.

I love my job. I love my coworkers. Especially one. But all of them.

I love being a grown up. I love long Fridays in summer that remind me of Germany, where I suddenly went from being an ungrateful spoiled yougest child to being an adult. I miss the children-- Lukas is 8. Emilie is 15. Charlotte is 13. Margaux is 11. Jules is 4. Willie is halfway to four! All my children are growing up. And I feel as if it were just yesterday that I too was a kid.

I am constantly blown away by the glory of God.

CONGRATS TO MY SISTER C, FOR GETTING A REAL LIVE NURSING JOB!!! I knew she could do it, I know she is destined for so many wonderful and beautiful things... God is so good to me.

Happy summer 2011! Hurray, we survived the rapture! lulz.

Wow, Facebook(R)

"79 photos of you and Nicole." See Friendship.

You trite bastard. 6 years of a relationship, summed up simply with "see freindship."


I hate social networking.

Listen up, this sun hasn't set

Hello, me.

What hasn't happened since this fall?
Terrible Christmas. Mediocre Thanksgiving. Nondescript New Years. New Job, new sorrows, new successes.

Weezer passed away on February 6. I miss her. So does Flora. And I am definitely avoiding Front Royal. Of course, the avoidance thing has a bad way of coming back to bit you in the ass when you don't expect it, but so be it.

Japan as been hit with the shittiest month ever. God bless all those poor folks. Trez had to come home early... not thrilled!

I have a job. It's hardly the self-satisfied art job I wanted, but it's good work with good people and a decent paycheck. I feel as if I aged 4 years overnight.

O, i turned 21-- that was kind of awesome. But also, not, because now I have to buy my own liquor, and the girl with the camera refuses to put up the pictures. Typical.
Sidebar: I found a stinkbug cooked into my dinner tonight. Not pleasant.

I'm reading Love in the Ruins by Walker Percy... really enjoying it. It was a birthday gift from Anich and so far it's great... only 20 pages or so left, I might wolf it down tonight before bed.

WMD and I have never been better. Which makes it even harder, in some ways. C and F are their usual selves. All the usual family drama, plus a little extra just to keep things interesting/resentful/awkward. But at least I am on great terms with my parents. Never loved them more, frankly.

Honestly, I just feel like--and I know I am too young to say this-- that my whole life has somehow bypassed me. I am 21, working a full-time job, budgeting like crazy, trying to figure out how I can possibly buy a house, paying all my own bills-- it's crazy. I wish someone had counseled me to stay in college longer. Such a delightful green zone. Shouldn't have been in such a giant rush to leave.

I guess for the first time in my life I can't just ride on my laurels of being a child genius. In the real world, no one gives a shit what you got on your SATs or how early you went to college. You have to be fiercly competitive, efficient, on-the-ball-aka, all those things I am terrible at being. I have a great boss... but it ain't always smooth going. Not to mention the whole sell-out thing. Not that I think I have sold out, it's just that I would still rather not be in the movement. I respect it, it's necessary, but my heart simply isn't in it. I need to get back into the pregnancy care centers. Which I am trying to do but am hitting a whole heap of completely unexpected roadblocks.

And I miss Europe. And college, mostly CUA. And to this day I still miss that summer when I was 15, ten feet tall and bullet proof. I mean really, once you pass adolescents, do you ever get to feel that alive again?

I am moping. I should stop embarassing myself to my future self on the internet.

Lastly: everyone should get an account at mint.com. It would blow your mind and ruin your life.

Alright then. I will stop wallowing and go listen to some depeche mode and have another toddy. You know, they say that drinking alone makes you an alcoholic, and they also say that drinking liquor out of a straw makes you an alcoholic, so here's what I say: make mine a double, honey, I think it's good.

From the Associated Press...

"Overflowing rivers swamped an area larger than France and Germany combined, shut down much of Queensland's lucrative coal industry and left 30 people dead."

France + Germany sized area of flooded land.... 30 casualties.

Either Australia is even more barren than I could have imagined, or they have one hell of an evacuation plan.

Impressive, Australia. I may need to rethink your placement on my list of Most Useless, Insignificant, Poorly-Located and Irrelevant Countries Ever.

But then again, probably not, because you are in the middle of an ocean and no one has ever given 2 shits about you in the UN.

But really, I'm sorry for your miserable flooding, Australians. Don't forget that in a dire emergency, your entire population AND all the Kangaroos AND Koala bears can all just climb up Ularu/Ayer's Rock and camp out Noah-style until the dove brings back a eucalyptus leaf.

But srsly, all jokes aside, I'm sorry and chin up.